In Love, Living With and Without a Person

Relationships are difficult.  Especially for difficult people like me who question everything.  I have learned a bit that I will pass on here because it seems so important.

There are 2 major ways of viewing a relationship.  The first is obvious. The second is a neglected seldom used method.

1)  Can you stand to be with this person large amounts of time?  Can you work with them? Is there passion?   Can you trust them?   These are all the questions of issues of being with this person.

—- there is a whole other mode of analysis available —-

2) If you have some time apart from this mate you will get the opportunity to evaluate the all important question “Can I live without them?”  

If #2 is too easy for you maybe its not the right person for you.  Maybe you should keep looking or maybe you should let them go for their own good.   Its a cruel act to feign love.

If you take mating for life seriously then use of the second method is almost mandatory.  It may seem an extreme length to go to test to this degree but how many relationships end in failure and children caught in the middle of a divorce?  Too many.  Its not too much to expect that you do your homework to prevent this sort of disaster.

Also remember all of the above has reasonable analogs on the large scale with governments and candidates who would say they “care” about you.  Disingenious acts whether by conscious or unconscious deceit always have crappy results.  Its easy to deceive ourselves when there is something we want very much that this is not true.  However there is no escaping it.  

Likewise there is nothing better than the things we find when we are true to ourselves and others.   The fact this is hard work explains why so few people fully actualize the process.