Your Douche bag Factor = K*Ntattoos

I rest my case.  Actually the mathematic relationship stated above is accurate for non facial tattoos.  The relation for facial tattoos is

Don't be a douchbag.   Of course it is a statistical thing.  You may well not be a douche bag at all.  But in the mean the principle holds.  Think scatter plot. Or in the case below just think scat.