My Demented High School F(r)iends and their Art

 When I was in high school my best friend's little brother and his friend and I hung out also. Both John and Jeff were into the art classes and did various paintings, carvings and drawings. They were demented smokers of the horkachorky. One winterish day John Ady Whitehouse and I were out on a snowy road in Ohio and he started digging in the area just off the road. After a bit he really started to look like a dog with all the debri shooting between his legs just the same way it appears when a dog vigorously digs a hole.  He found bottle after bottle.  There must have been a trash dump of one type or another at one point.  He gave me this bottle. I thought it was pretty cool. Mostly because he had devined a pattern. Although on the surface you did not see any trash once you went down a bit you hit a mother load of antigue bottles.  Its when you hit on patterns like this that you can strike a vein of gold.

Later he carved a replica of his thumb and attached a cork so as to make a stopper for the bottle.  Yeah it's a little wacked out but then my friends in high school always were.

Much Much later I can't really say when Jeff P. Carved the pipe you see on the left.  I think now that I've told you this story you can guess what went in that bottle.

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Operation Big Flush – The Things You Keep – Remnants of the Past

I'm currently executing Operation Big Flush.  I need to be out of the condo I rent by the end of July and I have accumulated alot of stuff over the years.  I want to be light an mobile. Thus I made the first step to sell off anything I can that is not necessary or does not have sentimental value.  After reviewing even stuff I used to think had sentimental value doesn't really in most cases.

Thus I find myself digging in drawers and tossing a bunch of stuff.

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The Sordid Story of Alligator Fudge

This alligator is nut free

Since I have not found the term via Google anywhere on the internet I feel compelled to impart this legendary story onwards to the suceeding generations.

Some friends by the name of Dana Henderson and John Holman used to love to perpetrate the following joke.  Dana would crap into a brown paper bag then offer it as "Alligator Fudge" to people.  If you were unlucky enough to take the bag and open it you would be hit with a malodorous wiff of fudge.

FartMaster 2000 Reprised

This page is a tribute to a good friends first visual basic application in the mid 1990's.  At the time I had a copy of VB5 and had a total mind block as to how it worked.  You see I was accustomed to old style coding.  Windows uses a type of coding that is "event driven".  Often when I have a mental block such as this I go to this friend and many times he breezily picks up the stuff.  At that point I usually go aha! THAT'S what they mean and through monkey see monkey do I go on my merry way.  Thus I want to make it perfectly clear I am not the author of FartMaster 2000 and can in no way claim credit for this great creation of western culture.

A side story on this is quite funny.  Shortly after this was coded I passed a copy to my girlfriend's son who proceeded to really like it and obsessively play the sounds.  This drove his sister nuts as you know it would most women as they do not share our masculine preoccupation with great farts and their high fidelity simulations.

If the embedded media players do not work you can click on the photos

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Cleaning Up The Past – Memories of a Green Spotted Jaquar

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I'm cleaning up this place because I'm planning on making a big move. I ran across this momento and decided its time to let go of it.  Its the cake decoration from a cake that was delivered to me at Honeywell on my 30th birthday.  The bird is a vulture. It was a "death because you are 30 years old" theme cake.  It was from a girl who was crazy beautiful and crazy-crazy.  I first spotted her at Squaw Peak when I was driving in to park and hike.  I took one look and was amazed by beautiful and vibrant she appeared.  I' would never end up dating her would I?  She looked directly in through my windshield with a penetrating look.  

Later on top of the mountain I encountered her with her male friend and introduced myself.  In those days I was pretty enough to pull off such an introduction while a lady was on a date.  Turns out she was getting a math/physics degree from NAU and she is very intelligent. But then super attractive super intelligent women have alot of options don't they? Its remarkable what a little mental instability can do to make a very attractive girl even more attractive. This elusive animal that you seek in the endless maze that is dating hoping not to see the elusive prey scurry off beyond your reach. You have to have be elusive yourself and lure them to you.  Once they are in close enough you can latch on and give it your best shot to make them your own.  Of course the most likely scenario is that you should be trying to keep this sort of green spotted jaguar.  They'll most likely turn on you and claw you in their need to escape just as this one did to me. 

We went out once and had a good time but she was elusive. I tried the good boy routine with signalling the wide open I am all yours approach and it did not work.  At the point I lapsed back into my normal routine of chatting up all the pretty ones on Squaw Peak.  On several occassions as she descended she would pass me walking up with a pretty thing.  It was not long before she made herself more available.  At that point we had a good 4 monthes together where I have to saw I quite enjoyed myself.

Being the tenacious monkey that I am I kept track all these years.  She ended up marrying a fellow that now suffers taking care of her a bit like a child because you see when you have so many options you can afford to lean on people.  If said people complain you move on to your next option and essentially that is what she did with me when I did not give her exactly what she wanted in spite of my trying.

Oh well. What might have been with a little more willingness to work on her part. I will always remember this time and how it lead to a much more fully actualized person and a much happier me.  At least its not me baby sitting her.  Me? I want a partner. So it is time to let go.. Bye Bye Birdie. Danna whereever you are I hope you are happy and having a good time. I will never forget our adventures.