Hairy Canary
Harry Canary – A Bird of great intellect, imagination and coiffure
I have been trying for some time to find out where he gets his hair done!
The Sordid Story of Alligator Fudge
This alligator is nut free
Since I have not found the term via Google anywhere on the internet I feel compelled to impart this legendary story onwards to the suceeding generations.
Some friends by the name of Dana Henderson and John Holman used to love to perpetrate the following joke. Dana would crap into a brown paper bag then offer it as "Alligator Fudge" to people. If you were unlucky enough to take the bag and open it you would be hit with a malodorous wiff of fudge.
Engineering
A Tour of my Gunn Collection – I am the Man with the Golden Gunn
A real RF nerd I am. I just sold my Gunn collection. Who would have known that I was the man with the golden gunn ? I am so glad I'm not normal. I don't need a TV to be entertained. Why when there are so many voices in my head having conversations and listening to records?
Fun
FartMaster 2000 Reprised
This page is a tribute to a good friends first visual basic application in the mid 1990's. At the time I had a copy of VB5 and had a total mind block as to how it worked. You see I was accustomed to old style coding. Windows uses a type of coding that is "event driven". Often when I have a mental block such as this I go to this friend and many times he breezily picks up the stuff. At that point I usually go aha! THAT'S what they mean and through monkey see monkey do I go on my merry way. Thus I want to make it perfectly clear I am not the author of FartMaster 2000 and can in no way claim credit for this great creation of western culture.
A side story on this is quite funny. Shortly after this was coded I passed a copy to my girlfriend's son who proceeded to really like it and obsessively play the sounds. This drove his sister nuts as you know it would most women as they do not share our masculine preoccupation with great farts and their high fidelity simulations.
If the embedded media players do not work you can click on the photos
Emotional-Intelligence
The Funniest Person in the World
She's the original Amazing Asian.
A little Stacy with mother Yoko.
Do You Measure UP?
This is a plastic ruler from the 1970's that I found in some of my junk. Mmmm….Is it InnUendo? I'm not sure how measuring myself will help congresses test scores and I am going to need one longer than 6 inches.
Emotional-Intelligence
Cleaning Up The Past – Memories of a Green Spotted Jaquar
I'm cleaning up this place because I'm planning on making a big move. I ran across this momento and decided its time to let go of it. Its the cake decoration from a cake that was delivered to me at Honeywell on my 30th birthday. The bird is a vulture. It was a "death because you are 30 years old" theme cake. It was from a girl who was crazy beautiful and crazy-crazy. I first spotted her at Squaw Peak when I was driving in to park and hike. I took one look and was amazed by beautiful and vibrant she appeared. I' would never end up dating her would I? She looked directly in through my windshield with a penetrating look.
Later on top of the mountain I encountered her with her male friend and introduced myself. In those days I was pretty enough to pull off such an introduction while a lady was on a date. Turns out she was getting a math/physics degree from NAU and she is very intelligent. But then super attractive super intelligent women have alot of options don't they? Its remarkable what a little mental instability can do to make a very attractive girl even more attractive. This elusive animal that you seek in the endless maze that is dating hoping not to see the elusive prey scurry off beyond your reach. You have to have be elusive yourself and lure them to you. Once they are in close enough you can latch on and give it your best shot to make them your own. Of course the most likely scenario is that you should be trying to keep this sort of green spotted jaguar. They'll most likely turn on you and claw you in their need to escape just as this one did to me.
We went out once and had a good time but she was elusive. I tried the good boy routine with signalling the wide open I am all yours approach and it did not work. At the point I lapsed back into my normal routine of chatting up all the pretty ones on Squaw Peak. On several occassions as she descended she would pass me walking up with a pretty thing. It was not long before she made herself more available. At that point we had a good 4 monthes together where I have to saw I quite enjoyed myself.
Being the tenacious monkey that I am I kept track all these years. She ended up marrying a fellow that now suffers taking care of her a bit like a child because you see when you have so many options you can afford to lean on people. If said people complain you move on to your next option and essentially that is what she did with me when I did not give her exactly what she wanted in spite of my trying.
Oh well. What might have been with a little more willingness to work on her part. I will always remember this time and how it lead to a much more fully actualized person and a much happier me. At least its not me baby sitting her. Me? I want a partner. So it is time to let go.. Bye Bye Birdie. Danna whereever you are I hope you are happy and having a good time. I will never forget our adventures.
Funny
David Spade and the 1978 Pinto With the Killer Boom Box
This is embarrassing but I had yet another celebrity infested dream. I am not one given to royalty worship but yet I have these dreams where they show up. When they are very vivid and funny I have to share. Here is the latest one:
I'm in a garage admiring a 1978 Ford Pinto. You know one of the last models and it had that one with the garish grillwork. It as in perfect condition and all polished up. The interior was perfect. It was one marvelous Pinto. In walks David Spade:
David starts talking about how he's kept the car all these years since it was new because he doesn't want to let go of his childhood. He goes on to say its a really great car and that it has a killer boom box in it. He pulls out a chrome plated speaker box and shows me.
I'm duly impressed by his nostalgia and launch into how its nostalgic for me as my dead mother drove a Ford Pinto. Of course I comment on how "down to earth he is for a hollywood type".
When we're done talking David's sister meets us in the garage and says "You're driving right ?!" ….like she was excited to be rolling in the Pinto. I was excited too because Dave's sister was cute and we could ride in the back while Dave chauffeured us.
Yes Ford Pinto. You remember it? If you drove it over 70 the windows would roll themselves down.
**As a FootNote: In Brazil they use the word "pinto" as slang for penis. Thus if you own one you are driving a Ford Penis.